I have a habit when I’m writing of talking about the things I’m proud of or happy about. I suppose that’s only natural. I’m writing this for people in general to read, and it’s hard to think that the first post they read could be something really embarrassing.
I’ve decided, however, that if I can laugh at myself, you get to, too.
When I was in high school, I had a crush on a nice, smart, funny, and really cute guy. We were both involved in backpacking. I did not think that anyone could possibly consider me attractive at that point (it was high school, and I wasn’t a cheerleader, which should explain the entirety of that statement) so I didn’t consider it a possibility that he might be interested, too. I was asked to call him one night to finalize a schedule for a backpacking meeting.
My heart was beating fast and my face was flushed. It took me three tries to get up the nerve to actually dial the numbers. When I finally managed that Herculean task, his mom picked up. I asked for him and he came to the phone.
The first thing he said was, “So, did you call me to ask me out on a date?”
I opened my mouth and nothing came out. To my everlasting embarrassment, what I finally managed, subjectively eons later, was, “Well, actually, there’s a change in the meeting…”
I have never been a social butterfly, but that moment, wrapped up in a high school crush and all of the surrounding angst, was the nadir of my social life. I wanted to say yes, to be cool and relaxed, but that’s never been my strong point. I fell back on what I knew I could say. I’m not sure if it was fear that he’d meant it or fear that he was teasing me, but I could not bring myself to say, “Why, yes, of course!”
Two weeks later he was involved with someone else, so it ceased to be an issue. I still can’t think of that moment on the phone, unable to say anything I wanted to say, without cringing just a little.
I will try to remember to post these periodically. Everyone has moments they don’t necessarily want the rest of the world to see. This is one of mine. I have to laugh at myself to keep from becoming completely full of myself (I never quite understood that phrase) and I’d like you to be able to share in the cringe-worthy moments.
Don’t you feel lucky now?