Idiot cat


We have two cats. We got them the same day, but one is about nine months older than the other. The one we got as a very small kitten, Loki, is Xander’s cat. He picked her up upside down, held her in weird positions, and she grew up with my last dog, Ace, a Rottweiler. She thinks she’s a dog. There is a very distinct difference between her tail lashing when she is upset and her tail wagging when she’s happy.

Just think about that for a minute. Have you ever seen a cat wagging its tail?

Loki deals with Nyx pretty well. She messes with her on a regular basis. Loki will lie down on her side on a chair and make mewping noises until Nyx comes over to investigate. Nyx’s head is about the size of the cat. Nyx nudges Loki. Loki smacks Nyx across the face with no claws. Nyx thinks about wandering off, and Loki calls her back. This continues until Nyx nudges a little too hard, at which point jut the tips of Loki’s claws come out and Nyx backs off. Loki is definitely in charge.

Eris is my cat. When we got her she had already been through three homes. One, her original foster home, was a good home. The next place adopted her and decided that she had too much energy for their older cat. I’m not sure what they expected, since they got a kitten, but people are sometimes odd. Instead of taking her back and saying it was not a good match, they gave her a room all to herself. Maybe they thought they were being nice. I don’t know. In any case, shutting a kitten up in a room is a bad idea. She decided to dig out under the door. The floor was carpeted, and she started ripping it up. Unfortunately, the people who had her had sprayed that carpet for ants. Eris got very sick and eventually went back to the first home.

When she was about four months old, she got an infection and the vet had to remove one of her eyes. As you might imagine, this did not endear her to potential adopters.

The third home was not awful, but Eris was still not very good at navigating with only one eye. She fell off of a bookcase and hit a table and the socket bled, so the owners freaked out and sent her, once again, to the foster home.

Xander and I were looking for cats who were at least part Russian Blue. He really likes the breed and I didn’t have much opinion. Eris’ mother was a full Russian Blue, and I asked if we could adopt her, but by the time I came across her she had been adopted. The foster home asked if we might be interested in her daughter and sent pictures. I thought she was beautiful, and we adopted her.

Eris is gorgeous. Sleek, small, and delicate, at least when she’s not being clumsy. She is not, however, the brightest cat I have ever met. She gets stuck in cupboards, hasn’t figured out how to boss the dog around, and, if she’s really irritated, she pees on things. Apparently she doesn’t like papasan chairs. No idea why, but she made that quite clear. Pungently. She also pees on the dog’s bed, given the chance.

Nyx periodically takes cushions off of the couch. We put planks on the cushions if she’s doing it too often, since a while ago she pulled off the cushions and dug a small hole in the inside of the couch. A few days ago she pulled a cushion off just as I was getting ready to leave. I put it back on, put the planks over the cushions, and headed out. A few hours later, Xander mentioned that my cat was an idiot. In the time that it took me to get the cushion and put it back on the couch, my cat dove through the hole and stayed there until Xander sat down. He heard her meowing (we call her the crabby cat because she had some damage to her vocal cords, too, so her voice is scratchy) and, after opening every cupboard in the house (she gets stuck in those pretty often, too), he finally found her under the couch. He had to widen the hole in the couch for her to get out again because she couldn’t figure it out.

The combination of a dog who is still a little bit of a puppy, a cat who is rather short on brains, and another cat who seems to take perverse joy in bothering the other two (about five minutes after Loki met Eris she started jumping her from her blind side), we are never short of entertainment or irritation, depending on our moods that day.

My cat is not very smart, but she is a sweet cat and, despite being terrified of Nyx, she comes and sleeps on my lap. I can live with that.