FAI: A month and a half

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I went swimming today for the first time. I’ve been putting it off because I’ve been a little afraid. My hip still hurts and I didn’t think I was ready to figure out how to get in and out of the pool without hurting myself. It worked out well, though I only managed about twenty minutes before I got tired. I did ten minutes on the bike (I’m allowed to do that now) and I did some upper body work, too, so I feel like I got something done, but it’s hard to get so tired, so fast.

I’m on one crutch now. One of my exercises now is standing on my left leg for ten seconds at a stretch, so I’m starting to be able to put my full weight on it. It still aches. By the end of the day, I am always very tired. It’s getting better, clearly, but it’s nowhere near all the way better yet.

I’m going to physical therapy twice a week. It’s hard work, but I can tell from the exercises that my strength is (slowly) improving.

I’m having to work hard on not being frustrated with myself. I know that they did a lot of work on my hip, including reshaping the bone, and a lot of muscles and nerves got shifted around in the process. It’s going to take months before I’m back to normal. I was told that I wouldn’t be off crutches for up to three months. I’m about halfway there. Another four and a half months before I can even think about running again. I can’t push this, and I’m working hard to not push it, but I want so much to be able to do normal things again. I can’t take Katja to the park because I can’t keep up and I can’t go up and down slides and other activities. I can’t take Nyx for a walk; she doesn’t much like crutches, and I can’t brace myself if one of the silly little dogs that run loose crosses our path.

It is better. I keep reminding myself of that. I can stand on it now. I’m on one crutch, which is an amazing improvement. I’m not in pain all the time, just when I get tired. I can move around pretty well. I can pick things up now. Katja can sit on my lap and it doesn’t hurt, which makes me ridiculously happy. I can sit on the floor with her in the mornings, too, because getting up has gotten much easier. I still can’t twist or move certain ways, but I’m moving much better than I used to.

Slowly but slowly, I’m improving. It’s hard still being so slow and so incapable, but I know I’m getting better.